3 Simple Rules

J24A2732Dear Daughter,

This will likely be my shortest letter yet. I want you to ask yourself these 3 very important questions and in this exact order before any words escape the fragile confines of your mouth:

  1. Is it true?
  2. Is it nice?
  3. Is it necessary?

Is it true? Well this should be pretty easy to answer. It is a simple yes or no.

Is it nice? This can sometimes be subjective, but give it your best go.

Is it necessary? Think about if you do say it, what are the consequences?

Before I end this letter, remember, these rules apply to gossip as well. Never say something about someone that you would not be able to say to their face. Sometimes our inner dialogue gets carried away in a ditch effort to make ourselves feel better in that moment, although our inner dialogue does not think of the ripple effect that words can carry. Control your inner dialogue, watch your words, and choose what you say wisely.

Stop Telling Yourself That

The secret behind your self-image.

Have you ever been in fight with someone and felt that you were so right in your actions and/or words that there is no way that you could be wrong? And then you call someone to get their “honest opinion” about the situation, but you are actually just looking for them to validate you? You are looking for that friend or family member to tell you that your stand in the argument is right and that the other person is so wrong. Well, your self-image does the exact same thing. Your self-image is a set of ideas that you believe about yourself to be true. And in order for these ideas to be true, you find ways to validate them.

For example, one idea I have about myself is that I have a terrible memory. Like, I can barely remember what I wore yesterday, let alone that one time we did that thing 4 years ago. And every time I cannot remember something, I chalk it up to that terrible memory of mine. I cannot remember her name…oh that’s because I have the worst memory! You could introduce yourself and 3 sentences later I’m questioning in my head what the hell your name was. And once again, I say to myself, if only your memory didn’t suck so much. Now, time for a reality check. If I was told that I would win the lottery if only I remember the name of the next person I met, you better believe I would remember that person’s name. My memory would be boosted with superpowers in an instant. Unfortunately, the idea of this terrible memory was planted in my head, whether by me, a teacher, or family member, and I now find every chance I get to validate it.

This is why the self-image you create for yourself is so important. Think of a person who has a major physical insecurity; it may be their height, weight, body shape, big nose, whatever. Now if they get rejected by a date, or ignored at a party, they will inevitably make the connection to that insecurity; validating it as the root of their issues. When in reality, their insecurity, 99% of the time, has nothing to do with anything. No one really cares if your nose is a little big, or if your boobs are small. You may think they do, and yeah sure maybe people make a comment, but the general public is not as shallow as you think. You are literally causing strife in your own life and making assumptions that are not even real, and in the end are only hurting yourself.

It’s like when you get a big pimple and you think that everyone else is noticing it. You become insecure and hide it with your hands when you talk to people or put your head down or avoid direct eye contact. And if someone responds strange or negative to you, you assume it must be because of that pimple. Ok seriously, get over yourself. It’s because you’re being weird. That other person could care less about what is going on with your face. Have you ever met that one person that is not the most “attractive” person, but they have such a kickass personality and it makes them attractive on its own? Yeah, that’s because they do not have insecurities about what they look like. They just do what they do and do not give a f*** what other’s think about them.

The ideas (aka truths) that you believe about yourself will drive your actions and behavior. I want you to think about that. If you believe something about yourself, positive or negative, you will find situations to validate whatever it is. That is how our brains work. Identify one of your negative beliefs about yourself, it could be your poor memory, that you can’t lose weight because you are over a certain age, or maybe you believe that no one wants to be with you because of how much money you make. Well whatever it is, think about all of the times when something has occurred, and you used that instance to validate that negative idea of your self-image. “She’s really not that into me cause she only dates guys who drive a Mercedes and makes 6 figures”. No, she’s not into you, because you have a complex about not making enough money and you over compensate which makes you come across as a dick. Or, “no matter what I do, I cannot lose these 10 pounds because I’m over 30 (or 40)”. Reality check, there are a million other reasons that you cannot lose weight, let’s start with those 2 glasses of wine you have every night.

I’m sure by this point you have identified at least one so-called “truth” that you believe about yourself. The next step is to stop believing it! I had to stop telling myself that I had a bad memory. I now tell myself that my memory is fine. Most of the time, I could not remember names because I was not paying enough attention. I have found tricks to remember names right when I meet someone. Ok, it’s not perfect, but it is much better. I also give myself enough time to remember something. I mean, somethimes it will take 24hrs, but I do not automatically jump to the conclusion after 30 seconds that I cannot remember something because of my so-called bad memory.  And let’s get real, it is not over night that you can rid your self-image of all your negative truths, but you can start with just one of them. And start today, change your self dialogue and see what happens! 

You are what you Google

I feel like the message of today is to “follow your dreams”, “do what you love”, “turn your passion into your work.” What a crock! I had written an article called “Identity Theft” that was about how not to let your roles in life (being a mother, teacher, or spouse) define you, but rather how to balance your roles and duties with your interests and passions. This concept is pretty easy to understand although, I totally get it… I know many of you out there are thinking “How do I figure out what my passion is?” This is something that I have thought about a lot as I have gone through this same journey.

One day, during one of my random google searches of, “how to deal with people I don’t like”, or “neuroplasticity” , or “best béchamel recipe,” I realized I was the summation of what I googled. Passions grow from your interests, they spawn from your curiosity. You don’t just one day trip over a passion, hit your head, have an ah-ha moment, and the rest is history. No way! It all starts with curiosity. Find interest in something, whether it was intentional, by accident, or introduced to you. For example, I was interested in learning more about project management (which at that time was my full-time job), then I started to research Agile methodologies, then that morphed into leadership, and then somehow I bought a book about neuroplasticity. None of that probably made any sense, but the moral of the story is that you have to start somewhere. Listen to Ted Talks or audio books, or think about the last items in your google search history and chase those rabbit holes.

And for those of you who have already found your passion, that’s awesome. But I warn you, don’t let that passion define your existence. If you make that passion your identity, you are not leaving room for curiosity. You can have more than one passion, in fact you should have more. Your passions evolve and sometimes you even grow out of them. Let your passions be broad so there is room for evolution. If you love to hike, like I do, maybe you have a passion for the outdoors, or even exercise. If you are an artist, don’t limit yourself to a specific medium. Think of Michelangelo, who is most commonly referenced for painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Did you know that he was a famous sculpture before taking on this infamous endeavor? When Pope Julius II asked Michelangelo to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, Michelangelo hesitated, as he considered himself a sculptor and had no experience with the medium that was to be used, fresco (a method of painting water-based pigments on freshly applied plaster). Thank goodness Michelangelo didn’t confine his artistic ability just to sculpting, because if you have ever been to the Sistine Chapel, it is truly a wonder to see.

As fulfilling as passions can be, be careful about putting your passion to work for you. Keep your day job. Don’t demand a regular paycheck from your passion. If your passion pays off, that is great. But just remember, that allowing a paycheck to drive your passion can greatly compromise it. Let your passions be driven by your creativity, your curiosity, your enjoyment of them. I encourage you to search for, to embrace, and to expand your passions. Don’t let the message of today “turn your passion into work”, in the end make you resent your passion all together.

Live passionately and be curious!

Dear Daughter, you cannot be anything you want to be.

Dear Daughter,

You cannot be anything you want to be, although you can be a lot more of who you already are. When I think about this concept, I can just imagine a little girl about 5 or 6 looking up at her mother or father and the parent lovingly looking back and saying “My sweet, brave girl, you can be anything you want to be when you grow up.” As encouraging and uplifting as this may sound, we as parents forget to also tell you that it’s going to be hard, really freaking hard. My girl, you can do anything you want to do, but that does not mean it will happen and that does not mean that it will be easy. So, I will tell you this: Live a life driven by curiosity, not fear.

They say when a person gambles they either play to win or they play not to lose. When you play not to lose, you play safe. You don’t take risks or try new things. You stick to what you know with the sole intention of avoiding defeat. Whatever it is that you attempt to do, I want you to play to win; and don’t get delusional, you will not always win. It’s not about the end result or getting the trophy that makes you a winner, it’s the journey and the courage it took to engage with all of your heart. And I’m not talking about getting participation awards for trying. Defeat must be accepted, but accept it as an opportunity for growth, not a stop sign. Trust me, win or lose, you will have learned something new along the way. Break free from the boundaries you hide behind, because if you play it safe, you will never grow.

A perfect example of growing outside of your boundaries is a crustacean. Think of Sebastian from The Little Mermaid. Throughout Sebastian’s life (ok pretend he is real) he has experienced intermediate growth and had to spend much time preparing for it. Unlike humans, a crustaceans’ protective barrier to the world, their shell, does not grow with them. They must literally shed their entire shell and make a new one, all the while being exposed to the harsh elements just to grow a little bigger. Over Sebastian’s lifetime, he had likely outgrown his shell, also called molting, about 20 times. He would absorb the seawater around him in order to expand his soft body under his shell, which in return would crack his outer shell just so, and then he would climb right out of it. Imagine having to break free from your comfortable confinements, be exposed without protection, and then have to slowly grow a new shell to accommodate your growth. Well, that’s exactly what I want you to do. Don’t get comfortable in your “shell” and be willing to expose yourself, because the only way you can grow is to not be afraid to fail.

And lastly, here’s a little secret, fear is boring. We all have fear and all it is telling us to do is to stop. Your brain is trying to protect you from what it feels is a threat. And don’t get me wrong, a good dose of fear is always good and is also referred to as common sense. We can generally identify which fears are legitimate and which fears are as useless as the monster that lives under your bed. Fear is not original. We share so many of the same fears and for what? How are those fears working out for you? If your fear is keeping you alive, like not running across a busy freeway, then yes, let’s keep that one. But if you are afraid of speaking up about your ideas because of the potential criticism, well that is just not helpful. That fear is not saving you from you anything. It’s doing the exact opposite, its keeping you back from expressing yourself. If your fear is not helping you, drop it in the trash can on your way out.

Be curious, play to win and expect to lose, and ditch those useless fears. And then sweet girl, you can attempt whatever your brave little heart sets its mind to!

With all my love,

Mom

Dear Daughter, the world does not revolve around you.

Dear Daughter,

The world does not revolve around you. Take a look back at your day today, you probably got up late, rushed to get ready, stressed yourself out on the way to school because you were going to be late, got to school and immediately encountered the typical drama with your friends, had a teacher give you not the grade you expected, forgot your lunch, and then came home to complain of how much homework you have to do. Ok girlfriend, your day, this scenario, does not make you special. Guaranteed half the kids at your school had the same day, just with different friends, teachers, and homework. Understand that every other kid at your school thinks that his or her life is the only one that is occurring during that day. It is so easy to get carried away in your own drama and life events, that you forget that everyone else is also going through stuff.

Think about your parents, think about a time that your dad or I snapped at you or your little brother for really no obvious apparent reason. Well my child, sometimes we have stuff going on in our lives that you forget about, adult stuff. Stuff that we don’t necessarily want to share with you or make your burden. You need to have understanding that just as you are going through stress in your life, so is everyone else. Have understanding with your friend when she sends a snotty text or when your teacher comes down on the class. You have NO idea what is going on in their lives. Don’t assume that everything has something to do with you, because most of the time, when people are bitchy, have attitude, or snap, it’s because something else is going on in their life and you just happened to be in their path. I’m not making excuses for taking out your frustrations on others or that it is ok to snap at someone just because you are having a bad day. You just need to remember that everything is not always about you and at times, you need to show compassion towards others.

And because I am on the subject of compassion, I am going to take this opportunity to teach you quickly about sympathy and empathy; because I can’t really imagine writing a letter solely devoted to this topic. Although very similar, these things are very different. Sympathy is having compassion and the capacity to understand what someone is going through. Whereas, empathy is being able to identify with someone else’s feelings. Empathy is joining in their sorrow, sharing their pain, and grieving with them. They are both great attributes to be able to express but should be used appropriately based on the situation.

So the moral of this story, the gist of what I’m trying to tell you, is to realize that the world is revolving and we are all on the same ride. Have compassion for others and remember, not everything is about you.

With all my love,

Mom

How do you measure success?

We are raised to believe that success is obtained through the education we earn, the amount of money we make, the job title we hold, or the power we have over others. Some value their success based on the goals they meet or the milestones they hit. How can we measure something that is so subjective? It is like measuring beauty or an individuals spiritual commitment; I mean, come on! Well, I say it is time for a paradigm shift.

What is the one thing that we all have an equal and definite amount of? It’s time! Granted, some will have more than others, but time is a gift that has been given to all of us and does not discriminate on race, gender, or age. Now what if we used the metric of time and changed the definition of success around this concept?… It would look like this… Success is measured by the fulfillment of how you spend your time. And again, how you spend your time is completely subjective, but that is also the simplicity about it. If you are happy with your time well spent then you have made yourself a success. End of story. Because, when you put it into perspective, we all have a very short time here on earth. If you want to spend your time in an office 80 hours a week so that you can spend some of your time at your cottage in the Hamptons and that makes you happy, then do that. If you want to spend your time backpacking through South America so you can officially say you really experienced the Amazon Jungle, then do that. No one gets to tell you how you spend your time; except if you are kid, then your ass better be at school, at home doing homework, or where ever else you’re told to be!

I think this also concludes, that you cannot compare your worldly possessions (aka all of your shit) to your peers. No one cares about all the stuff you have more than yourself. Don’t think that by acquiring fancy cars and expensive watches that anyone really cares. Ok, don’t get me wrong, yes absolutely there are people that get so caught up in the fancy frenzy that they become consumed up to their eyeballs, but who wants to hang out with those people anyhow. Lets focus on being around people who cherish spending time with you rather than how much money you spend. Money spent buys riches, time spent makes memories; your Rover can get repoed, your memories can truly last a lifetime and beyond.

It took me a few years, but I have realized that the quality of life and the manner in which I spend my time is more important than the amount of money I make. I would rather make less money and be happy, than be an over-worked, stressed-out, busy, working mom. I used to think that to be driven you had to always be chasing the best salary, the next big thing, the bigger house, nicer car. If you have this mindset, you will never actually find happiness, you will just always want more and more. My focus has shifted outward, whereas now, I want to help others achieve their goals. You will find that by helping others, it will in turn help yourself.

Do you want to measure your success? Just ask yourself, how are you spending your time?

Dear Daughter, you are not smart, you are not special, and you are not a winner.

Dear Daughter,

I will always see you as my sweet, curly-haired, chubby cheeked baby girl. I know you have grown into a beautiful young lady, but you will always be my little girl at heart. As your mom, I have had the privilege to watch you learn, grow, make mistakes, fall and get up, and most importantly flourish. I want to take this moment to tell you three things that I believe most parents don’t tell their children: you are not smart (you are a great learner), you are not special (but rather just you), and you will not always win (you must embrace failure).

To say you are smart would be a discredit, as it would infer that you have gained all the knowledge you will ever need and have hit an end goal. You are so much more than that. You continue to learn as you strive to be the best you. I want you to think of yourself not just as smart but as open-minded; open to new ideas and learning things that are different and exciting. When you create an identity for yourself, you become bound by those metrics. For example, if you are told you are smart, and that metric is defined by getting straight A’s, then you will only take classes that you know you will ace. You will be too afraid to try something new and fail because then that would mean that you are no longer smart. Don’t be smart, be willing to learn.

Most children are praised with how special they are and that they can be anything they want to be. As this may be true, it is also misleading. When children are influenced to believe that they are special, it creates a narcissistic or superior view of who they are. There are no other children like them, no others that have their talents, their skills, their brains. Well this simply is just not true. If every child is told they are special, then wouldn’t all children be the same? Just because you have different attributes to others, it does not make you more extraordinary than another; you have to earn that. I know you want to be a doctor when you grow up, as do many other kids, what will set you apart is the follow through, the hard work and persistence. I want you to focus on being you and not what others think or do. And remember that it is none of your business what others think of you, so never dwell on others’ opinions of who you are.

Set your goals high, like really high! Then break those goals down into attainable bits and pieces. Now work really hard, put in the time, expend the effort, and don’t only try your best, but do your best. And while doing all of this, expect failure. Expect to fall down, like you did when first learning to walk, but be so determined that you get back again and keep trying. It is not to say that just because you try hard to achieve something that you will always win the game or reach your goals. You need to be prepared to fail and to grow from these experiences. Failure is only bad if you let it be. Think of failure as a lesson you have not yet learned.

I don’t want you to be defined by metrics such as smart, special, or a winner. I want you to have a growth mindset, to challenge the norm, and to ask questions (lots of questions!). Keep on being the wonderful you that you are…humble, compassionate, and curious.

With all my love,

Mom

Are you hiring the right people?

Having the right team means building a community of like-minded people that believe in what you believe. Just as a church is not the place of worship, it is the group of people that believe in a common set of values and beliefs; a company is no different. A company is not the building where the employees work, or the management that drives it, a company is the group of people that share a common set of values and beliefs. Hire people that believe in what you believe and you can create a shared culture that will be driven and supported by your people. Don’t hire skilled people and try to force them into your company culture; hire people that fit into your culture and teach them the skills they need.

Before you can find and hire people that “fit” your organization, you must first know what a good “fit” is. What does your company represent? Why do you do what you do? And what kind of person do you want to attract? Like attracts like…what message are you sending about your company and culture?

Take dating for instance, if you are not looking for monogamy or anything long term, do not be surprised at the people you attract. And most importantly, do not be surprised when they move onto to someone else. There are many different types of relationships and it’s not saying that some are good and some are bad; just different. Consider the relationship that you want to have with your employees (and vice versa). Are you looking for commitment, something short term, involved/not involved? Once you identify what kind of person you are looking for, then you know the right questions to ask and what to look for. And this goes both for the employee and the organization; if an employee is looking for a long-term engagement, don’t interview for seasonal work!

The goal is to find like-minded people that share common goals and beliefs. And this does not mean a lack of diversity, just simply a group of people that can build trust with each other! A Catholic church can have people from many different cultures and backgrounds, but their core beliefs are shared. Diversity brings different points of views to problem solving, a mix of culture and backgrounds, and a good assortment of food at a company potluck. 😉

Identity Theft

They call me mom, they call me wifey, they call me sis, that’s not my name, that’s not my name!! (If you weren’t born in the 80’s or 90’s than you may want to google the song by Avril Lavigne, That’s Not My Name; then maybe my first sentence will seem clever, or not, whatever). We live in an era where women are more than they were ever before. Many of us are not only wives, but we are moms, working professionals, volunteers, and one of the many other hats we choose to wear. We have to-do lists that are never-ending; kind of like the laundry and toys that are inevitably strewn across the floor. And by god, if I step on one more Lego, I am throwing them all in a fire pit and watching them burn! But lets get real, all of those Legos cost an arm and a leg, so that is just one of my signature empty threats; damn I need to get better at follow through. Anyhow, by the end of our days, we are truly exhausted; mentally and physically. Why are we doing this to ourselves? That’s right, I said it, we are doing it to ourselves!

 

We literally introduce ourselves as “so-and-so’s wife” or “Jonny’s mom”. What the hell?! I have a name, and not only a name, but a lot of awesomeness behind it! I had this epiphany after my first born when she was about two years old. Granted I was only 20, but I remember thinking that I knew I was a wife, Paris’ mom, and co-owner of a local business we had in California, although I truly could not grasp anything beyond that. I had no hobbies, no additional interests, or anything else I could grasp onto to express myself. It was like having a mini mid-life crisis. Instead of considering my married life, my child, and my business, components of what made up me, it was literally the only thing I was. And this was my fault. And don’t get me wrong, I love being a wife and a mother, but I was so much more, I just didn’t know it yet.

 

The best advice I ever received was from a marriage counselor that my husband and I had been going to for a while. And yes, you will hear me reference counselors and therapists quiet often, as we have no shame in admitting that! I remember my husband telling our therapist how supportive I was in his hobbies (aka dirtbikes) and how much time and effort I put into him and his passions. She looked at me and asked this simple question, “So Catherine, what are your hobbies, what do you like to do?” I was dumb struck! Ummmm…I thought, laundry, cooking, cleaning…oh hell, I have nothing!! I had been putting blame on my husband for taking so much of my time, although in reality, I really had nothing else better to do with it! Wow, this was one of those moments when I thought to myself, “Who are you?!”

 

And don’t take me wrong, by no means do I think I have my shit together, but if that same therapist were to ask me that question today, oh lord would she get an earful!! I love to hike, I love all and any DIY projects, I love to cook, oh… and I love wine! If I can pass on any advice, it is to embrace your roles as a wife, mother, sister, etc, although separate your roles from your interests and passions. Balance the scales between your duties and your pleasures.

Banana Morning Muffins 2 Ways

My kids look at overripe, brown bananas with disgust and aversion, although I see a diamond in the rough…its baking time! This recipe makes my household’s favorite morning muffins. Actually, these get eaten all throughout the day, but are a great morning muffin because they do not have sugar in them; I use honey to sweeten these treats. Depending on which you prefer, you can add blueberries or chocolate chips; both are fantastic. The best part is you can make them and then throw them in the freezer and only defrost as needed. And you will not need to worry about how long they’ll last in the freezer, because typically these get eaten within just a few days! So never again throw away brown bananas, use them for this recipe every time! Read through the entire recipe before starting as I have some tips and recommendations throughout. Happy baking!

Fun facts about overripe/browned bananas:

  • As bananas ripen, the starches in the banana convert to sugar. This is why the banana becomes mushy and loses its stiff structure. So the longer you let the banana ripen, the sweeter it will be when used for a recipe.
  • Overripe bananas can be used for banana cream pudding, muffins, cakes, smoothies, pancakes, dairy-free ice cream, banana bread, bread pudding, and much, much more!
  • Overripe bananas add flavor and moisture to breads and cakes when used for baking.
  • Use your overripe bananas before the insides turn to dark brown or black, as that will indicate the banana is spoiled.
  • You can freeze your overripe bananas in the freezer. I recommend mashing first and storing in freezer bags. Take out and defrost when needed for a recipe. Measure your mashed banana or write down how many bananas are mashed on the bag prior to freezing (and don’t forget to date the bag!). I prefer this method over freezing the banana whole.

What you will need:

1 1/4 cup flour (I use unbleached fine pastry flour, although you can use all-purpose, whole wheat flour, or even a gluten free all-purpose flour)

1/4 tsp salt

1 tsp baking soda

3 medium ripe bananas

1 egg

3 tablespoons honey

6.5 tablespoons plain Greek yogurt

2 teaspoons vanilla

1 tablespoon coconut oil

1 tablespoon almond milk

1/2 cup frozen blueberries (preferably organic) or 1/2 cup chocolate chips (see my note in step 5 regarding which ones I prefer)

24-cup mini muffin pan

Small cookie scoop (I use the OXO Good Grips® Small Stainless Steel Cookie Scoop 1.5T)

Yield: 24 mini muffins

Step 1: Preheat oven to 350 degrees and grease muffin pan. You can use a cooking spray, but I generally just use butter. Cooking sprays have many ingredients that are just down right unnecessary. Set pan aside.

*Tip: If you’re using butter, place your pan in the heated oven for 1 minute, this will make it much easier to butter the pan as the pan will be warm. Take stick of butter and butter each muffin cup (does not have to be perfect) then take a paper towel and spread butter into and around each muffin cup.

Step 2: Add bananas to mixer, mix on low. While bananas are mixing, add honey, coconut oil, egg, vanilla, almond milk, and yogurt to mixer. Allow to mix until well combined.

*Tip: Use your tablespoon for the coconut oil prior to measuring the honey. This way the tablespoon will be greased with the oil and the honey will come off the tablespoon easily when measuring into your batter.

Batter

Step 3: In a separate medium size bowl, whisk together flour, salt, and baking soda.

Step 4: Add flour mixture (dry ingredients) to batter 1/4 cup at a time. Mix until incorporated. You do not need to overmix.

Step 5: Gently fold in chocolate chips or frozen blueberries.

*Tip: I prefer to use extra dark chocolate chips (such as Guittard) as these chips only have four ingredients: cacao beans, sugar, sunflower lecithin, and vanilla. Check the labels of milk and semi-sweet chocolate chips as they are mostly more sugar than cacao. This being said, the semi-sweet mini chocolate chips also work really well for this recipe.

Batter Pan Spoon

Step 6: Using your small cookie scoop, distribute the batter evenly in 24 cup muffin pan (1 scoop/1.5 tablespoons per muffin cup).

Batter in pan

*Tip: Do not use paper muffin cups, they will stick to your muffins after they are baked. Also, not using the muffins cups will allow your mini muffins to be slighter larger as they are not confined to the paper muffin cup size.

Step 7: Bake 14 minutes

Allow to cool for 5 minutes and remove from muffin pan to cooling rack to complete cooling. Store in airtight container or freeze in freezer storage bag. Never store in the fridge as it will dry out any type of baked good; better to leave on the counter.

*Tip: I almost always freeze my baked goods right away, whether it be cookies, muffins, breads, or cakes. Once these muffins are cool enough to touch, I throw (ok I don’t throw, but rather meticulously place them in rows) into a large freezer storage bag and lay flat in the freezer. This traps the remaining steam and stops the evaporation process, keeping your muffins moist until you decide to pull them out and defrost.