Dear Daughter,
I will always see you as my sweet, curly-haired, chubby cheeked baby girl. I know you have grown into a beautiful young lady, but you will always be my little girl at heart. As your mom, I have had the privilege to watch you learn, grow, make mistakes, fall and get up, and most importantly flourish. I want to take this moment to tell you three things that I believe most parents don’t tell their children: you are not smart (you are a great learner), you are not special (but rather just you), and you will not always win (you must embrace failure).
To say you are smart would be a discredit, as it would infer that you have gained all the knowledge you will ever need and have hit an end goal. You are so much more than that. You continue to learn as you strive to be the best you. I want you to think of yourself not just as smart but as open-minded; open to new ideas and learning things that are different and exciting. When you create an identity for yourself, you become bound by those metrics. For example, if you are told you are smart, and that metric is defined by getting straight A’s, then you will only take classes that you know you will ace. You will be too afraid to try something new and fail because then that would mean that you are no longer smart. Don’t be smart, be willing to learn.
Most children are praised with how special they are and that they can be anything they want to be. As this may be true, it is also misleading. When children are influenced to believe that they are special, it creates a narcissistic or superior view of who they are. There are no other children like them, no others that have their talents, their skills, their brains. Well this simply is just not true. If every child is told they are special, then wouldn’t all children be the same? Just because you have different attributes to others, it does not make you more extraordinary than another; you have to earn that. I know you want to be a doctor when you grow up, as do many other kids, what will set you apart is the follow through, the hard work and persistence. I want you to focus on being you and not what others think or do. And remember that it is none of your business what others think of you, so never dwell on others’ opinions of who you are.
Set your goals high, like really high! Then break those goals down into attainable bits and pieces. Now work really hard, put in the time, expend the effort, and don’t only try your best, but do your best. And while doing all of this, expect failure. Expect to fall down, like you did when first learning to walk, but be so determined that you get back again and keep trying. It is not to say that just because you try hard to achieve something that you will always win the game or reach your goals. You need to be prepared to fail and to grow from these experiences. Failure is only bad if you let it be. Think of failure as a lesson you have not yet learned.
I don’t want you to be defined by metrics such as smart, special, or a winner. I want you to have a growth mindset, to challenge the norm, and to ask questions (lots of questions!). Keep on being the wonderful you that you are…humble, compassionate, and curious.
With all my love,
Mom