Category: Blogs

You are what you Google

I feel like the message of today is to “follow your dreams”, “do what you love”, “turn your passion into your work.” What a crock! I had written an article called “Identity Theft” that was about how not to let your roles in life (being a mother, teacher, or spouse) define you, but rather how to balance your roles and duties with your interests and passions. This concept is pretty easy to understand although, I totally get it… I know many of you out there are thinking “How do I figure out what my passion is?” This is something that I have thought about a lot as I have gone through this same journey.

One day, during one of my random google searches of, “how to deal with people I don’t like”, or “neuroplasticity” , or “best béchamel recipe,” I realized I was the summation of what I googled. Passions grow from your interests, they spawn from your curiosity. You don’t just one day trip over a passion, hit your head, have an ah-ha moment, and the rest is history. No way! It all starts with curiosity. Find interest in something, whether it was intentional, by accident, or introduced to you. For example, I was interested in learning more about project management (which at that time was my full-time job), then I started to research Agile methodologies, then that morphed into leadership, and then somehow I bought a book about neuroplasticity. None of that probably made any sense, but the moral of the story is that you have to start somewhere. Listen to Ted Talks or audio books, or think about the last items in your google search history and chase those rabbit holes.

And for those of you who have already found your passion, that’s awesome. But I warn you, don’t let that passion define your existence. If you make that passion your identity, you are not leaving room for curiosity. You can have more than one passion, in fact you should have more. Your passions evolve and sometimes you even grow out of them. Let your passions be broad so there is room for evolution. If you love to hike, like I do, maybe you have a passion for the outdoors, or even exercise. If you are an artist, don’t limit yourself to a specific medium. Think of Michelangelo, who is most commonly referenced for painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Did you know that he was a famous sculpture before taking on this infamous endeavor? When Pope Julius II asked Michelangelo to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, Michelangelo hesitated, as he considered himself a sculptor and had no experience with the medium that was to be used, fresco (a method of painting water-based pigments on freshly applied plaster). Thank goodness Michelangelo didn’t confine his artistic ability just to sculpting, because if you have ever been to the Sistine Chapel, it is truly a wonder to see.

As fulfilling as passions can be, be careful about putting your passion to work for you. Keep your day job. Don’t demand a regular paycheck from your passion. If your passion pays off, that is great. But just remember, that allowing a paycheck to drive your passion can greatly compromise it. Let your passions be driven by your creativity, your curiosity, your enjoyment of them. I encourage you to search for, to embrace, and to expand your passions. Don’t let the message of today “turn your passion into work”, in the end make you resent your passion all together.

Live passionately and be curious!

How do you measure success?

We are raised to believe that success is obtained through the education we earn, the amount of money we make, the job title we hold, or the power we have over others. Some value their success based on the goals they meet or the milestones they hit. How can we measure something that is so subjective? It is like measuring beauty or an individuals spiritual commitment; I mean, come on! Well, I say it is time for a paradigm shift.

What is the one thing that we all have an equal and definite amount of? It’s time! Granted, some will have more than others, but time is a gift that has been given to all of us and does not discriminate on race, gender, or age. Now what if we used the metric of time and changed the definition of success around this concept?… It would look like this… Success is measured by the fulfillment of how you spend your time. And again, how you spend your time is completely subjective, but that is also the simplicity about it. If you are happy with your time well spent then you have made yourself a success. End of story. Because, when you put it into perspective, we all have a very short time here on earth. If you want to spend your time in an office 80 hours a week so that you can spend some of your time at your cottage in the Hamptons and that makes you happy, then do that. If you want to spend your time backpacking through South America so you can officially say you really experienced the Amazon Jungle, then do that. No one gets to tell you how you spend your time; except if you are kid, then your ass better be at school, at home doing homework, or where ever else you’re told to be!

I think this also concludes, that you cannot compare your worldly possessions (aka all of your shit) to your peers. No one cares about all the stuff you have more than yourself. Don’t think that by acquiring fancy cars and expensive watches that anyone really cares. Ok, don’t get me wrong, yes absolutely there are people that get so caught up in the fancy frenzy that they become consumed up to their eyeballs, but who wants to hang out with those people anyhow. Lets focus on being around people who cherish spending time with you rather than how much money you spend. Money spent buys riches, time spent makes memories; your Rover can get repoed, your memories can truly last a lifetime and beyond.

It took me a few years, but I have realized that the quality of life and the manner in which I spend my time is more important than the amount of money I make. I would rather make less money and be happy, than be an over-worked, stressed-out, busy, working mom. I used to think that to be driven you had to always be chasing the best salary, the next big thing, the bigger house, nicer car. If you have this mindset, you will never actually find happiness, you will just always want more and more. My focus has shifted outward, whereas now, I want to help others achieve their goals. You will find that by helping others, it will in turn help yourself.

Do you want to measure your success? Just ask yourself, how are you spending your time?

Are you hiring the right people?

Having the right team means building a community of like-minded people that believe in what you believe. Just as a church is not the place of worship, it is the group of people that believe in a common set of values and beliefs; a company is no different. A company is not the building where the employees work, or the management that drives it, a company is the group of people that share a common set of values and beliefs. Hire people that believe in what you believe and you can create a shared culture that will be driven and supported by your people. Don’t hire skilled people and try to force them into your company culture; hire people that fit into your culture and teach them the skills they need.

Before you can find and hire people that “fit” your organization, you must first know what a good “fit” is. What does your company represent? Why do you do what you do? And what kind of person do you want to attract? Like attracts like…what message are you sending about your company and culture?

Take dating for instance, if you are not looking for monogamy or anything long term, do not be surprised at the people you attract. And most importantly, do not be surprised when they move onto to someone else. There are many different types of relationships and it’s not saying that some are good and some are bad; just different. Consider the relationship that you want to have with your employees (and vice versa). Are you looking for commitment, something short term, involved/not involved? Once you identify what kind of person you are looking for, then you know the right questions to ask and what to look for. And this goes both for the employee and the organization; if an employee is looking for a long-term engagement, don’t interview for seasonal work!

The goal is to find like-minded people that share common goals and beliefs. And this does not mean a lack of diversity, just simply a group of people that can build trust with each other! A Catholic church can have people from many different cultures and backgrounds, but their core beliefs are shared. Diversity brings different points of views to problem solving, a mix of culture and backgrounds, and a good assortment of food at a company potluck. 😉

Identity Theft

They call me mom, they call me wifey, they call me sis, that’s not my name, that’s not my name!! (If you weren’t born in the 80’s or 90’s than you may want to google the song by Avril Lavigne, That’s Not My Name; then maybe my first sentence will seem clever, or not, whatever). We live in an era where women are more than they were ever before. Many of us are not only wives, but we are moms, working professionals, volunteers, and one of the many other hats we choose to wear. We have to-do lists that are never-ending; kind of like the laundry and toys that are inevitably strewn across the floor. And by god, if I step on one more Lego, I am throwing them all in a fire pit and watching them burn! But lets get real, all of those Legos cost an arm and a leg, so that is just one of my signature empty threats; damn I need to get better at follow through. Anyhow, by the end of our days, we are truly exhausted; mentally and physically. Why are we doing this to ourselves? That’s right, I said it, we are doing it to ourselves!

 

We literally introduce ourselves as “so-and-so’s wife” or “Jonny’s mom”. What the hell?! I have a name, and not only a name, but a lot of awesomeness behind it! I had this epiphany after my first born when she was about two years old. Granted I was only 20, but I remember thinking that I knew I was a wife, Paris’ mom, and co-owner of a local business we had in California, although I truly could not grasp anything beyond that. I had no hobbies, no additional interests, or anything else I could grasp onto to express myself. It was like having a mini mid-life crisis. Instead of considering my married life, my child, and my business, components of what made up me, it was literally the only thing I was. And this was my fault. And don’t get me wrong, I love being a wife and a mother, but I was so much more, I just didn’t know it yet.

 

The best advice I ever received was from a marriage counselor that my husband and I had been going to for a while. And yes, you will hear me reference counselors and therapists quiet often, as we have no shame in admitting that! I remember my husband telling our therapist how supportive I was in his hobbies (aka dirtbikes) and how much time and effort I put into him and his passions. She looked at me and asked this simple question, “So Catherine, what are your hobbies, what do you like to do?” I was dumb struck! Ummmm…I thought, laundry, cooking, cleaning…oh hell, I have nothing!! I had been putting blame on my husband for taking so much of my time, although in reality, I really had nothing else better to do with it! Wow, this was one of those moments when I thought to myself, “Who are you?!”

 

And don’t take me wrong, by no means do I think I have my shit together, but if that same therapist were to ask me that question today, oh lord would she get an earful!! I love to hike, I love all and any DIY projects, I love to cook, oh… and I love wine! If I can pass on any advice, it is to embrace your roles as a wife, mother, sister, etc, although separate your roles from your interests and passions. Balance the scales between your duties and your pleasures.