The secret behind your self-image.
Have you ever been in fight with someone and felt that you were so right in your actions and/or words that there is no way that you could be wrong? And then you call someone to get their “honest opinion” about the situation, but you are actually just looking for them to validate you? You are looking for that friend or family member to tell you that your stand in the argument is right and that the other person is so wrong. Well, your self-image does the exact same thing. Your self-image is a set of ideas that you believe about yourself to be true. And in order for these ideas to be true, you find ways to validate them.
For example, one idea I have about myself is that I have a terrible memory. Like, I can barely remember what I wore yesterday, let alone that one time we did that thing 4 years ago. And every time I cannot remember something, I chalk it up to that terrible memory of mine. I cannot remember her name…oh that’s because I have the worst memory! You could introduce yourself and 3 sentences later I’m questioning in my head what the hell your name was. And once again, I say to myself, if only your memory didn’t suck so much. Now, time for a reality check. If I was told that I would win the lottery if only I remember the name of the next person I met, you better believe I would remember that person’s name. My memory would be boosted with superpowers in an instant. Unfortunately, the idea of this terrible memory was planted in my head, whether by me, a teacher, or family member, and I now find every chance I get to validate it.
This is why the self-image you create for yourself is so important. Think of a person who has a major physical insecurity; it may be their height, weight, body shape, big nose, whatever. Now if they get rejected by a date, or ignored at a party, they will inevitably make the connection to that insecurity; validating it as the root of their issues. When in reality, their insecurity, 99% of the time, has nothing to do with anything. No one really cares if your nose is a little big, or if your boobs are small. You may think they do, and yeah sure maybe people make a comment, but the general public is not as shallow as you think. You are literally causing strife in your own life and making assumptions that are not even real, and in the end are only hurting yourself.
It’s like when you get a big pimple and you think that everyone else is noticing it. You become insecure and hide it with your hands when you talk to people or put your head down or avoid direct eye contact. And if someone responds strange or negative to you, you assume it must be because of that pimple. Ok seriously, get over yourself. It’s because you’re being weird. That other person could care less about what is going on with your face. Have you ever met that one person that is not the most “attractive” person, but they have such a kickass personality and it makes them attractive on its own? Yeah, that’s because they do not have insecurities about what they look like. They just do what they do and do not give a f*** what other’s think about them.
The ideas (aka truths) that you believe about yourself will drive your actions and behavior. I want you to think about that. If you believe something about yourself, positive or negative, you will find situations to validate whatever it is. That is how our brains work. Identify one of your negative beliefs about yourself, it could be your poor memory, that you can’t lose weight because you are over a certain age, or maybe you believe that no one wants to be with you because of how much money you make. Well whatever it is, think about all of the times when something has occurred, and you used that instance to validate that negative idea of your self-image. “She’s really not that into me cause she only dates guys who drive a Mercedes and makes 6 figures”. No, she’s not into you, because you have a complex about not making enough money and you over compensate which makes you come across as a dick. Or, “no matter what I do, I cannot lose these 10 pounds because I’m over 30 (or 40)”. Reality check, there are a million other reasons that you cannot lose weight, let’s start with those 2 glasses of wine you have every night.
I’m sure by this point you have identified at least one so-called “truth” that you believe about yourself. The next step is to stop believing it! I had to stop telling myself that I had a bad memory. I now tell myself that my memory is fine. Most of the time, I could not remember names because I was not paying enough attention. I have found tricks to remember names right when I meet someone. Ok, it’s not perfect, but it is much better. I also give myself enough time to remember something. I mean, somethimes it will take 24hrs, but I do not automatically jump to the conclusion after 30 seconds that I cannot remember something because of my so-called bad memory. And let’s get real, it is not over night that you can rid your self-image of all your negative truths, but you can start with just one of them. And start today, change your self dialogue and see what happens!